


ayumu goes to mcdonalds

by totaldwama



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, [REDACTED], i refuse to tag this i want you to experience it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totaldwama/pseuds/totaldwama
Summary: Fuck you. Fuck you and everything you stand for. Minions are the one thing I hold near and dear to my heart.





	ayumu goes to mcdonalds

**Author's Note:**

> i finished this in july and i've been editing it all morning instead of working on the next chapter of against fate

once upon a time that was just like any other ayumu fujimori was going to mcdonalds while aruma screamed in the back seat of the car. akira was also there but he was crying into nico's socks while said nico looked on in disdain so we won't talk about him. mikoto was in the passenger seat because she was literally the only responsible one there.

"so what do you guys want" ayumu asked as................. she. parked the car.

"DICK" screamed aruma. akira cried harder. mikoto was highly dissapointed in aruma but honestly aren't we all? aruma is either a turnon or a turnoff there is no in between. sadly for everyone there aruma was usually a boner killer. you know who didn't kill mikoto's boner? seishi yodogawa. or whoever he was she wasn't sure. ayumu was kind of sexy but mikoto was a little scared of her for some reason.

"i want three large fries" nico began "and a chocolate milkshake"

"you better share your fries" akira sobbed with anger.

"no" nico said. "also stop crying you're going to ruin my shoes"

"I CANT STOP CRYING" akira yelled. 

"take your shoes off if you're so concerned" aruma said wetly. akira stopped crying for a   
second to look at her in disgust.

nico took her shoes off. 

akira moaned

"i want um" mikoto said "um"

"chesse burjier" suggested aruma.

"yeah a quarter pounder with cheese" mikoto agreed. "and a conka cola"

"conka" said akira

"shut the fuck up" 

"ok" 

"also i don't want anything" akira said right after

"liar you want fries" nico said furiously

"i only want your fries" akira whispered seductively and licked nico's leg. her legs were already super wet because akira was well-hydrated and could cry for hours straight so his spit was wasted on her dampened limbs. "goddammit" he whispered.

"damn you" nico damned him hornily. akira was ready to be smited. but

"DRINK WATER BITCH" maiko screamed as she heelied past their car.

"yeah i'm just gonna get water" aruma commented. maiko gave her a thumbs up however because she was not watching where she was going she crashed into a bush and died. saiji shed a single tear.

akira. he just was

aruma crawled out of her seat and onto the floor. "nico" said aruma.

"what" nico responded

"can i drink akira's tears from your socks" she asked

".........no" nico said and handed her socks to akira. he put them in his pocket and didn't look at nico's feet because he wasn't into feet. shut the fuck your mouth. #notallNEETs

"HHHHH" said aruma because she wanted to suck nico's socks. 

"guys shut up we're gonna go in now" ayumu said carrying mikoto bridal style because she just could. mikoto was blushu

"LESGO" aruma yelled and ran towards the mcdonalds.

"can i even go in without socks or shoes" nico wondered aloud.

"it's a mcdonalds nico. there's going to be worse things" mikoto said

"hmm you're right" nico said. "but i'm still concerned. AKIRA GIVE ME MY SOCKS"

"..........fine" akira said and handed nico her socks. 

"why can't you just wear shoes and no socks" mikoto interrogated.

"because i'm not a fucking barbarian itsuki" nico said as she put her shoes on over her still wet socks.

"that's fair" mikoto sighed. then she yelled because ayumu had dropped her on the floor of the mcdonalds.

"cant we just go through the drivethrough" akira whispered uncomfortably close to ayumu's ear.

"no. you know what happened last time we did that" ayumu retorted. akira nodded solemnly because he definitely remembered what happened. i sure dont though so dont ask me hehehe

they walked up to the counter. 

"hey" said koga's horse puppet.

"are you gonna take our order or is he" nico said in reference to the deer.

"i will actually" koga said. everyone was shocked because koga was always quiet.

"oh wow" said aruma.

"so what would you guys like" koga questioned. 

"i want um" aruma started "uh uhhh um umhm hm mhmh nhnh m nhnN H HAA A HA!!" akira looked fearfully at aruma as she collapsed on the mcdonalds floor.

"What The Fuck was that" nico sobbed. "i just wanted fries"

"t...then... then Order..." mikoto said, staring into her palms with a blank look in her eyes like komaeda but not because she wasn't hopeful for her hands. she carried so much sadness in her soul because she could never really be one of the gang. she was just a faker. she was a mimikyu amongst pikachu. a worm amongst caterpillars. a hillary duff amongst ebony dark'ness dementia raven ways. poser bitch.

"I WANT... WATER" aruma said from the floor.

"three large fries and a chocolate milksh." nico looked at akira. "what are you doing"

"no, no, finish" akira said as he stared lovingly at her socks. 

"..." nico began to sweat. "well as i was saying. ake"

"k" said koga "ayumu?"

"hmm" ayumu thought. "mikoto you order i need more time to think"

mikoto looked at her like she was being a massive bitch. mostly because she couldn't remember what she wanted.

"c......." akira slammed his fists on the counter. "CONKA c c c c C C C C"

"s-sir" koga sputtered. "i'm going to have to ask you to stop"

"C C CCC C C C C C CC C CC" akira said, ascending into godhood

"akira stop" nico cried, vibrating slightly. her socks were cold now. the walmart employees were dead, and she was colder than she'd ever been.

akira stopped instantly and dabbed, even though that meme is dead. dead like [REDACTED].

nico threw akira so hard he landed back in the car. he didn't really care though so he just went on his phone and got into some heated discourse about the minions on tumblr.

"no you just don't get it man" typed someone whos url was yumenolover69. "minions are shit"

"Fuck you. Fuck you and everything you stand for. Minions are the one thing I hold near and dear to my heart. Minions cured my depression, cleared my skin, and made my crops flourish. Minions inspired me to stay hydrated so I could cry into people's socks like the sexy beast I am. Your girlfriend? She is shit compared to a Minion. She barely even compares at all. Red and yellow are polar opposites, you dumb fuck. You absolute, utter, completely idiotic fuck. Magic isn't fucking real. You know what is? Science. Minions are a scientific race. Your bite-sized bitch is a fucking adult and she hasn't grown out of her bullshit Harry Potter phase. It's a little late to go to Hogwarts. But you know what? Science is advancing every fucking day. We're getting close to Minions levels of science. But magic? Magic will never be real. Minions will be. We're getting there."

akira became a meme that day.

"like akira was screaming earlier" mikoto was saying back in the mcdonalds "conka cola"

koga squinted. "conka?"

"if you ever question anything i say ever again i swear to god i will beat your ass"

koga swallowed and nodded. "is that all?"

ayumu decided she wasn't hungry, but as she was about to say yeah

"WAIT" akira announced as he burst through the mcdonalds doors. "I WAMT..."

everyone looked at him expectantly.

"I WANT TO SUCC NICOS SOCKS"

"akira get back in the car"

akira sighed in defeat but nico went back into the car with him and they had (EXPUNGED) all over ayumus fucking car!!!!!! that was gonna take forever to clean up you dumb sons of bitches

"yikes" said mikoto.

ayumu was infuriated over her car being defiled in such a way so she crashed it into a lake killing literally everybody including herself. nobody ever found out that she had a p[REDACTED]

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> (ouma) how's that game going huh  
> how's game 172 going huh  
> how's the boyfriend doing huh  
> how's the damned SNOW
> 
> (kaede voiceover) and that was when i finally decided to die


End file.
